August 15, 2022
Episode 56. Mindset, Limiting Beliefs & Visualization [with Guest: Jen Diaz]
Mindset, Limiting Beliefs & Visualization [with Guest: Jen Diaz]
Jen Diaz is the real deal when it comes to coaching. She’s a mindset and success coach who I personally work with and she knows her stuff when it comes to overcoming the beliefs that are holding you back.
We talk about everything from mindset to Jen’s JAVA method (journaling, affirmations, visualization, action) and how you go about implementing it, how visualization actually works, how to improve your confidence when you’re just starting out, and so much more.
In this episode, you’ll hear…
- Why entrepreneurship pushes people to pursue personal development
- The JAVA Method
- The importance of understanding why you want what you want
- The benefits of visualization in entrepreneurship
- Using a journal to support yourself
- Finding your confidence
- How to overcome the fear of failure when you first start
- What to look for in a mindset and business coach
- Designing your dream life *
- Tips on starting an email list
If you’d like a shoutout (and a chance to win a $20 gift card), just leave a review on Apple Podcasts and send a screenshot of it to me on Instagram via DMs!
The role of visualization for entrepreneurs
Visualization is an underrated tool when it comes to running your business. Meditation and visualization put our brain into a completely different state than we’re typically in, and our subconscious mind comes forward and allows us to understand what’s running through our automatic programming. It provides so much clarity and preparation.
How using a journal can support your life
One of the biggest struggles with journaling is feeling the need to do things “the right way.” At its best, journaling can be a practice to help us break free from our perfectionistic tendencies and just start. One of the best journaling methods out there is to just sit down and do an unconscious brain dump and let out everything that’s in your mind.
Discovering and designing your dream life
If you’re struggling with finding clarity around what you really want in life, it’s time to first strip away all the things you think you want and get quiet and curious about who you are underneath everything else. When you get rid of the need to prove yourself—to others and to ourselves—we can get really clear on who we are, what we want, and how we want to live.
This is just scratching the surface of what Jennifer Diaz’s JAVA Method has to offer. If you’re interested in learning more, sign up for Jen’s free newsletter, or check out her complete course at thejavamethod.com.
Listen to On Your Terms on your favorite podcast platform
Listen to the show on your favorite podcast player and be sure to follow, and leave a review to help introduce the show to more online business owners just like you!
Resources Discussed in This Episode
- Get Sam’s weekly legal & marketing emails: samvanderwielen.com/easy-emails
- Learn more about the JAVA Method (Jen’s Membership): thejavamethod.com
- 1-1 coaching with Jen
- Sign up for Jen’s Newsletter
- Read The Rise by Sarah Lewis
- Read How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera
- Read The Source by Dr. Tara Swart
- Read Fear Less by Dr. Pippa Grange
- Read Women and Desire by Polly Young-Eisendrath
If you’re ready to legally protect and grow your online business today, save your seat in my free workshop so you can learn how to take the simple legal steps to protect the business you’ve worked so hard to build. Click here to watch the free workshop so you can get legally legit right now!
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:00:10] Hey. Hey. And welcome to On Your Terms. I’m your host, Sam Vander Wielen, attorney turned entrepreneur who helps you legally protect your online business.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:00:18] And I’m so excited to bring you this conversation today. I just absolutely love Jen. She’s a mindset and a success coach. She’s incredible. The real deal. Somebody who I, personally, work with and just really, thoroughly enjoy. And I thought this conversation was so much fun.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:00:35] We talked about everything from, obviously, mindset, but we really dove into Jen’s formal method called JAVA Method, which stands for Journaling, Affirmations, Visualizations, and Action. And she taught us all about how she recommends you go about all the different parts of that, how visualization helps us. We talked about money. We talked about how do you improve your mindset or believe in yourself when maybe you’re starting out or you’re feeling like you’re so far right now from where you want to go. So, we had that whole conversation. I think it was just such a good one.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:01:10] We also dove into talking about email list marketing, email marketing, because it’s something that’s so important to both Jen and myself. She is so good at it, and I can’t wait for her to talk with you about this. And we dropped her link and everything, of course, to receive her incredible weekly emails. I get them every week. I read them every week. And she has journal prompts at the bottom of every email. You guys, it’s amazing. So, it’s just really good.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:01:35] And if you’re on my email list, then you know it’s been something I’ve been talking about a lot that as there have been these Instagram changes and Facebook Ad changes, and all these different changes in all these different parts of our industry, it’s really important that we kind of buckle down. Focus on our foundation of marketing our business, getting back to things like email and SEO and a podcast or YouTube channel, all that kind of stuff is so important right now. And, frankly, it’s just always important but I think it’s going to be more important right now as things in our industry are shifting.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:02:08] On that note, actually, I have just started a brand new email newsletter signup so that you can just easily pop in your name and email. We’ll drop the link below. And you won’t have to go through any sort of marketing funnel. I just want you to be able to get my emails because I absolutely love writing to my email list. I drop exclusive content for them there at least one to two times a week. I’ve been really excited about the amount of engagement and community that’s been there lately. And I give all my best legal tips, marketing tips, I talk about behind the scenes of the business.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:02:43] Just this past week, I wrote to everybody about my marketing strategy. Like, I just laid it all out there and was like, “Look, the industry is changing. This is what I’m seeing. This is why I’m seeing it. And here’s exactly what I’m going to do.” Like, I gave everybody my playbook. You only get that if you’re on my email list. So, make sure you pop you name down below. I would love to see you there.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:03:01] And with that, let’s get into this episode with Jen. So, Jennifer Diaz is a certified mindset and success coach for ambitious women entrepreneurs. She combines her training and positive psychology and neuroplasticity to help high performing women optimize their potential and increase their overall fulfillment in life. Her mission is to help women wake up to the unconscious beliefs holding them back so they can move forward and have a greater impact on the world around them.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:03:29] I absolutely love Jen and I know you will too, so enjoy our conversation. And make sure you reach out to me, DM me on Instagram, @samvanderwielen, and let me know and Jen know what you thought about this episode.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:03:45] Hey, Jen. Welcome to the show.
Jen Diaz: [00:03:46] Hi, Sam. Thanks. I’m excited to be here.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:03:49] I’m so excited that you’re here. This is such a treat for me to get to ask you questions. You’re just brilliant, and you know that I love you, and I’m just very excited to share all of your knowledge with all of the people today.
Jen Diaz: [00:04:00] Oh, gosh. That’s very kind. I appreciate it.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:04:02] Well, you deserve it, as you know. I shared your formal bio with everyone, but can you share a little bit with everybody about what you do and how you work with people.
Jen Diaz: [00:04:14] Yeah. Yeah. So, I work with high performing women entrepreneurs and, really, the gist of it is helping them get an understanding of what’s going on for them on the unconscious level. So, I like to kind of explain it like it’s like turning the lights on in a dark room and figuring out, you know, what’s your programming that you developed when you were young that you’re still operating out of, how is it working for you, is it frustrating you, keeping you stuck.
Jen Diaz: [00:04:46] And turning the light on in a room, instead of just bumping up against things and being like, “Oh. I have no idea why I feel that way” or “I don’t why I reacted that way,” you can see, “This is why I do this. This is why I respond this way.” And you’re able to respond better and even change and update your belief systems, your programming, the way that you operate so that you can be move from a place of, “Okay. I’m here. And I’m frustrated. I feel stuck. And I have all these other things that I want to accomplish, the way I want to feel, and I just can’t seem to get there,” so that you can start closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.
Jen Diaz: [00:05:29] So, a lot of, you know, conversation. My work is very collaborative. It’s very reliant on the relationship that I have with my clients. And just being open to connecting dots and making changes and shifts and moving forward.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:05:46] Yeah. Do you feel like entrepreneurship is unique in how it pushes us gently to explore these things that maybe we could have ignored in a corporate job or something?
Jen Diaz: [00:05:58] It does in a way, yes, for sure. Because – oh, my gosh – there’s just so much pressure, there’s so much fears that we have to face because everything is on us. And I am speaking for me, especially when we start working for ourselves, everything is on us, like the marketing, of course the accounting, all these things, and the service we actually provide. And so, I do think that that was the biggest unknown for me when I took the leap into it was, “Whoa. I had no idea how much self-development this is going to require in order for me to, not just make it and survive, but for me to feel healthy and to thrive within it.” So, yeah, it does present some interesting and unique challenges for sure in the mental and emotional world.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:06:47] Yeah. Definitely some opportunities. I feel like working in corporate America, it was a lot easier to be like, “It was my secretary’s fault. My boss sucks. This job sucks.” Whatever sucks, like someone didn’t explain the assignment to me well that’s why it didn’t go well. And now, there’s like, “Who are you going to blame?”
Jen Diaz: [00:07:04] “You got to blame you, girl.”
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:07:06] “Dang it. It’s all me. It’s me.”
Jen Diaz: [00:07:08] Yeah. It’s taking that radical ownership, which is really empowering and scary at the same time.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:07:16] Yeah. Very. Okay. I always say, it feels when I became an entrepreneur that I felt like I was standing in the middle of the field naked with a microphone – that’s like how it felt to me – and everyone was looking at me. And you know with what we do, especially – this isn’t true for every business – it’s always also very visibly upfront with social media and being out there. You and I really love writing and it’s more vulnerable and intimate. And so, it’s like that was just a new experience as well.
Jen Diaz: [00:07:46] Oh, very much so. I talk about this with a ton of clients about being seen, about being heard, and how do I do that in a really authentic way without being so anxiety ridden and stressed out and just constantly worried about how people are interpreting what I’m saying or who I am. And it’s challenging. It’s very vulnerable.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:08:12] Yeah. That is for sure. Well, speaking of getting vulnerable, I think that I would love for you to tell everybody a little bit about the JAVA Method. So, I talk a lot about in the podcast in general about really coming up with your secret sauce and doing something unique on your own terms. And I love that you have the JAVA Method, you have the JAVA Method membership or the JAVA membership, and then you also teach your clients. So, can you share with everyone a little bit about what that stands for.
Jen Diaz: [00:08:38] Yeah. So, the JAVA Method, for me, was just all of these very simple exercises and tools that helped me radically change my mentality and build up a lot of emotional resilience. Because when I started, I was thrust into entrepreneurship kind of unexpectedly. And I really began to notice when I did that how frustrating it could be to have these goals, have these big dreams, and then feel like I’m really self-sabotaging a lot. And I’m really hard on myself. And that’s not getting me anywhere.
Jen Diaz: [00:09:15] And so, I was trying to find ways to grow as a human, to be successful, all these things. And so, that led me to discovering what eventually became JAVA Method. There’s all this different so simple tools to use. So, JAVA is an acronym. It stands for Journaling, Affirming, Visualization, and Action. So, these four, obviously I didn’t create these things. But putting them together, for me, was absolutely life changing.
Jen Diaz: [00:09:46] And I love to write, so journaling is something that was a natural thing for me. Affirmations were not a natural thing for me at all. When I first started them, I was like, “This is total BS.” I was just lying to myself. “This is stupid.” Visualization, I’m a pretty visual person. And learned about visualization playing sports in high school, and started applying it to my work and my life, instead of just sport. And then, obviously, the action, we have to physically do things if we want to see results.
Jen Diaz: [00:10:20] And so, for me, combining those things really led me into a whole new direction in my life that was incredibly fulfilling. I finally thought like I was thriving. And I remember when it started to take hold for me a little bit and that my initial self-talk was so much kinder. And my initial belief and responses were more positive and empowering. And I remember thinking like, “Whoa. This is a very cool feeling. And my results are showing up in the way that I wanted to as well.” So, that’s what JAVA stands for.
Jen Diaz: [00:10:54] And I just think if we can all practice very simple tools that help us understand ourselves better, that help us show up in the world better, it’s just going to change a lot in our world, our culture, our community, everything. And so, that’s where that came from.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:11:13] Yeah. I think it’s incredible. And I think it’s really important. I love that JAVA, the acronym ends with action, because it was always the missing piece for me in our space when I would hear people talk about manifestation. And a lot of these just kind of, like, hoping and wishing. So, could you talk about how does manifestation play into this or how is it different?
Jen Diaz: [00:11:34] Yeah. I have an interesting, I guess, relationship with that word because I think that it’s taught so heavily based on just like think positively, always make sure your energy is positive and you’re good. And that doesn’t work. That’s not really helpful. Actually, we’re getting into toxic positivity with that spiritual bypass and all those things.
Jen Diaz: [00:12:02] So, the way I look at manifestation is, yes, mind your stories and your mindset and your beliefs. And, also, feel the feels. Like, navigate the negative. There’s room for every single emotion. There’s room for every single thought and every single belief. They’re all there to teach us something, to tell us something.
Jen Diaz: [00:12:24] And so, for me, it’s more instead of only focusing on the positive – which I think a very fear based way to view it – there’s room for all of that. And I’m just open to learning about myself. I’m curious about myself. And as far as manifestation goes, I think you can prep mentally, emotionally, spiritually. But physically, you have to be doing something. You have to show up differently if you want different results.
Jen Diaz: [00:12:50] So, for me, manifest just means bringing something I’ve imagined into my reality, and being open to what that looks like, for sure. Because I think a big piece where we mess up with manifestation is getting so attached to a specific outcome. And the way that we think it should look, instead of thinking why do I want this in the first place? What do I actually want underneath that? What’s the essence that I think that’s going to give me or that I think is going to add to my life? Because that’s what we want and that can look so many different things and options.
Jen Diaz: [00:13:26] And so, that, for me, is the way that I view it. And really being careful, just because you think something is going to happen, doesn’t mean that it’s going to in the positive or the negative. We’re not quite that powerful, thankfully. And so, I guess that’s my take on manifestation.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:13:50] Yeah. I’ve heard you say, too, that it could be better than what you kind of mentioned.
Jen Diaz: [00:13:54] Oh, my gosh. Most of the time it is. Because a lot of us are dreaming from even limited places, no matter how expansive we think our dreams are, they’re limited to what we know.
Jen Diaz: [00:14:09] And I know in my life, there had been so many times when what I wanted ended up turning out very differently. And it was better than what I had originally planned. And I was so thankful. So, for me, I know how I want to feel. I know the greater vision and purpose. But the very specific details, I’m pretty open to see. Like, I don’t know, I could be wilder than anything I could imagine. So, let’s see what the universe has in store.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:14:41] Yeah. Like, what’s going on? And what I really love about your method, too, is it goes so much deeper than what I always associate with the manifestation space, other than also some issues with the privilege that I have. There’s that whole thing. But, also, that it always seem to focus on material things, like manifesting a house, a car, a bag, cash, whatever.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:15:04] And what I love about your stuff is that it goes so much deeper. And maybe the Bentley comes from that. Who knows? I don’t know. Maybe you visualize all day and all you see is a Bentley, go for it. But maybe also we get deeper with what you truly want, like what your soul creates.
It’s like what I feel like I’m going through so much now and talk to you so much about now. And I would just be curious if you could talk about that difference.
Jen Diaz: [00:15:30] I think so many of us don’t really know what we actually want on a soul level. Because we’re just being bombarded all the time with who we should be, and what we should want, and what success looks like. And we’re always creating safety and security, and that means belonging in certain ways and a lot of materialistic things. And don’t get me wrong, I love nice things.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:15:54] Yeah. Me, too. Right there.
Jen Diaz: [00:15:55] Yeah. Absolutely. I don’t have any issue with that. However, we do want to understand why do I want this. Is it because I genuinely love the craftsmanship of it? Or I feel like it really allows me to express who I am? And I just really enjoy it. That’s beautiful. Or is it, I want people to see this because I want them to know that I’m successful and that I’m this. And is it coming from any [inaudible] outside how am I being projected to the world versus genuinely this brings me a lot of joy.
Jen Diaz: [00:16:29] And I think we don’t stop and pause enough in our lives to actually consider do I really want this or do I just feel like I’m supposed to want this and that everybody wants this. And then, if I want it and I have it, I’m okay. I’m safe. I belong. I’ll appear successful. I’ll really receive love from others and belonging from others, which is what we all deeply crave on a very unconscious level.
Jen Diaz: [00:16:55] And so, definitely I don’t care about how much money. I mean, I want my clients to do well. And I want to do well but that’s really the least important part. It’s really who are you on a soul level and what do you authentically desire and crave in your life. Because there are a lot of different ways you can get that than just material things.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:17:19] Yeah. Start designing the life that you want, not playing in the life that others have created for you from childhood stories to society stories, to now social media stories too. Like, things that we’re being presented with that we’re supposed to want to go after.
Jen Diaz: [00:17:35] Gosh, we’re being marketed to constantly, I mean, all the time. And it’s still unconscious too. And so, if we don’t quiet the noise, if we don’t sit with ourselves and really get to know ourselves, it’s dangerous because we would all likely go down paths unconsciously that don’t lead us to ultimate fulfillment because we just thought we were supposed to. We were told that this is what you need in order to be secure and loved and successful. And at the end of it, maybe you’ll feel that way, maybe not.
Jen Diaz: [00:18:07] And so, I know for me I want to make sure what do I love, what I care about genuinely. Because trust me, I’m three on the enneagram. I love things. My ego, it’s really sneaky. It can work its way into, “Oh, you do want this.” And I have to really, like, sit and get quiet, what lights me up on just a gut level? What do I draw into? And I know for me that’s been such a big thing that I’ve experienced as I’ve done my own work with this.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:18:42] Yeah. Yeah. That’s true. I was saying to Ryan the other day that I realized something about myself that I like boujee experiences. That means like that feels very aligned with me. Like, I would rather spend more on a hotel or have a nice experience, like making my travel more comfortable where we stay or going to a beautiful place, traveling further and further in the world. That means so much more to me than some of the things I’ve accidentally fallen into in entrepreneurship to be like, “Wait. I think I’m supposed to want this but that’s just not what I want.” And your visualizations, actually, have been very helpful in that.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:19:20] So, I was actually wondering, I feel like I don’t hear a lot of people talk about visualizations and entrepreneurship. And I was wondering if you could share what some of the benefits do you think or some of the benefits you’ve even seen.
Jen Diaz: [00:19:32] Yeah. You know, the brainwave state we go into when we do meditation and visualization is very similar to how the brain state we’re in when we’re kids from the age of zero to seven, specifically. So, it’s kind of a hypnotic state. And when we’re in that state, our subconscious is a little bit more forward rather than our conscious mind where our ego lies and our critical factory and all that, our subconscious kind of comes forward. We’re still in control but it’s kind of like a dream state where we just really get to understand what is there, what’s running the show. Because our subconscious is running us 95 percent of the time, approximately, so we’re on autopilot more often than we’re not.
Jen Diaz: [00:20:21] And it really just shows us this is who you are, this is what you care about, this is what’s coming up. And it can provide so much clarity to decisions we’re making or to who we are, to what we want. It’s also a fantastic way, just like sport, too. I know visualizing if I’m going to speak or something because I’m going to be nervous before I speak, so I’ll visualize myself doing it, and that helps my brain prepare for the physical action of it.
Jen Diaz: [00:20:50] Because we’re motor neurons and how we take action physically starts in our mind, so it’s like a warm up. I’m warming up to take action. So, if there’s something on my plate that I’m procrastinating on that I don’t want to do, that’s feeling scary, I might visualize it to kind of calm my nerves and to give my brain, “Okay. We’ve already made some connections so the actual action of it would be a little easier.” That’s the way that I use it, is, finding out more about myself, what’s going on in my unconscious mind, what do I really want, who am I really. And then, warming up and getting ready to take physical action in my life and my business.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:21:30] And do you think some of the hits, the downloads that you get when you’re doing a visualization, do you think that’s your intuition speaking?
Jen Diaz: [00:21:41] Yeah. I think it depends on who you ask. For me, I think there’s definitely a lot to do with intuition. My gut responds. Depending on your spirituality, God, universe, a lot of people feel like that I was given this message. So, I don’t really know what it is either way. I found a lot of clarity and a lot of aha moments. And I think that we find a lot of compassion down there, too, in the unconscious.
Jen Diaz: [00:22:17] And, for me, it’s a lot of like I’m really getting in touch with who I am on a soul level. My intuition is able to be louder when I’m in that state. And my ego is not suppressant, so I have an easier time listening to what I genuinely should do or want to do.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:22:35] Yeah. It does seem like all those shoulds. I tend to hear things very clearly that I’ve wanted to do in the back of my mind but had all those shoulds coming up, and then it just comes through, like, boom, super loud and clear that this is what you want to do. So, yeah, I find that very helpful.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:22:50] And especially for everyone here listening, I’m always encouraging everyone to cut down the noise and don’t necessarily follow the trend if that’s not what you want to do. But it’s very hard to do that if we don’t ever pause and get clear in what we want.
Jen Diaz: [00:23:03] One hundred percent. And we have so much more wisdom within us than I think we realize and give ourselves credit for. And that’s something that a lot of my clients, I encourage them, you have a lot of answers. You just need to trust yourself. You need to stop looking outside of yourself for inspiration. Although that can be helpful to an extent but, really, you want to tune in. Like, that’s where the most authentic expression and creativity is going to come from, is from within you already.
Jen Diaz: [00:23:36] And it’s just a matter of a little bit of discipline with sitting still because that’s where all the uncomfortable is, if you’re not used to it. And sitting with yourself and getting to know yourself and trusting that voice, it’s so powerful. There’s so much that can come through if we’ll just do it.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:23:55] Yeah. This is very true. Okay. So, in addition to your incredible visualizations, you also help people with journaling. And I know you are really helpful with me around this because I had such a black and white view around journaling. And so, I was wondering if you could talk to people a little bit about your best journaling tips, how this plays into their day, how it could play into their day to best support them as entrepreneurs.
Jen Diaz: [00:24:17] Yeah. I love starting this journaling the way that I do it with very driven women, people in general. Because we want to do things the right way. There’s a right way to do something and I don’t want this to waste my time, and blah, blah, blah, blah.
Jen Diaz: [00:24:34] And so, it’s so funny because I remember I took an abstract painting class with a friend of mine. And the teacher just showed us some Van Gogh, some Jackson Pollock, all these incredible artists. And then, turned the lights on and was like, “All right. Paint.” And I was just like, “I don’t know how. What’s the right way to do a brush strip?”
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:24:55] “What are the steps?”
Jen Diaz: [00:24:59] And I just stared at that blank sheet for a long time. And my inner perfectionist was like, “What’s the right way to paint? I don’t know what the right way to paint is. I can’t do a tree.” And I had a really hard time. And I think journaling can feel that way, too, sometimes because we’re searching for black and white. It’s got to be productive. It’s got to be the right way to do it. And it doesn’t at all.
Jen Diaz: [00:25:22] I know it can be helpful to start with journal prompts if, like, you really get stuck. That’s, I think, so, so helpful for some people. And just to be asked questions that require you to dig deep, I think, is a really valuable experience. So, I’m all for journal prompts.
Jen Diaz: [00:25:39] But my favorite way to journal is just a complete brain dump. And so, your journal should be such a mess. And we don’t know grammar here. We’re not looking at punctuation. You’re probably going to spell things wrong. This should be just anything that’s popping into your mind, get it on the paper.
Jen Diaz: [00:26:03] This is what Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way, which is a fantastic book, she calls it morning pages. And it’s three pages of unconscious brain dump. And you’d have to do three in her morning pages, which I’ve done before, and – oh, my gosh – it’s so hard to get to three. About a-page-and-a-half, you start getting some really juicy stuff coming up. But that’s where you come to the page and you just let it all out, the frustrations, the thoughts that you wouldn’t want to share with anybody, your hopes, the stupidest things that you can think of. Just get everything out on the paper, how you feel, how you want to feel, anything.
Jen Diaz: [00:26:44] And that can feel such a release, like you’re taking such a load off and it can also provide a lot of clarity with what you want, what’s frustrating you and keeping you stuck, and what you might need to shift in your life. And so, most of the time once I’m working with something very specifically, that’s how I tend to journal. It’s just an unconscious brain dump of let’s just give it all out here.
Jen Diaz: [00:27:11] And sometimes it starts out with, “I absolutely do not want to do this today. I feel like this is absolutely stupid. I have nothing to say.” And you just keep going, and eventually something comes up, and you’re like, “Oh, interesting.”
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:27:22] Yeah. I think that is so helpful. I think giving people the freedom that this doesn’t have to be so perfect or whatever, that was really helpful to me. And I remember you saying, like, if anybody went back and read my journals, they wouldn’t even know what I was saying at the time because its just messy. And that is super, super helpful.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:27:412] I realized that, too, that I also used a journal like a seven year old and it would be like, “Today, I went to the mall. The mall was fun. Then, I went out to the gym. We had a great lunch.” It was like a diary. And that always just felt like, “This isn’t helpful.” Well, I’m just saying that I took Hudson for a walk for the umpteenth time today. Like, this is not fun.
Jen Diaz: [00:28:04] I know. Gosh, a friend of mine, she journals like this too. And I’m like, “If anything happens to me, I need you to burn this. Do not read them. Burn them.” Like, it’s nothing. No one is going to publish this later and be like this is life. It’s nothing like that at all. It doesn’t need to be. I think that for me and anybody else whose driven also tends to be maybe a perfectionist, this is a really good time to practice being messy by just showing up. I think that in it of itself can be really freeing for a lot of people. For me, it was for sure.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:28:44] Yeah. And, also, people write to me all the time and asks about email lists, stuff like what do I write to them, I’m nervous about this. And I guess, like you’re saying, that could be another way. And we just overthink this stuff way too much. It’s usually the ones that I feel are more on my heart I just need to share. Like, the ones that I sent this week, for example, those are the ones that are the best received. People don’t want the polished like, “Today, I went to the mall” emails.
Jen Diaz: [00:29:12] Yeah. We see that all the time. And I think people are craving connection with real humans, and I had someone say that to me once. Because being vulnerable is not my favorite thing, but that’s what other people are drawn to. That’s what makes them care about us and vice versa, is their vulnerabilities, their humanness. Because we all have it. We just are so good at putting on this personas of I got it all together, and none of us do. And so, I think to really connect, that’s what people enjoy seeing. That’s what I enjoy seeing for sure.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:29:45] Yeah. Yeah. I’m laughing because somebody the other day wrote to us and said, “I don’t like it when Sam talks about any successes. I just want to hear about what hasn’t gone well for her.” It’s like, “First of all, how much time do you have?” It was just so funny. I was just like, “Can’t we all have to stay in the bad and the depressed? Like, we can’t ever talk about anything good?” It was just so funny.
Jen Diaz: [00:30:10] Well, that is such a fascinating thing. And I have this conversation a lot with my clients, is that, it is just as vulnerable, if not more, to share your wins as it is to share the struggles. Because what our wins do is they’re going to trigger certain people. There’s no way around it. And it’s really hard. It will be incredibly inspiring and expansive for some, and really triggering for others. And that’s not our responsibility to try to protect or prevent. We can’t prevent that.
Jen Diaz: [00:30:46] And so, yes, I’m here for all of it. I want to see, you know, what’s hard. I want to see what’s going well. Like, how are you absolutely killing it? Amazing. Because that gives someone who hasn’t that belief in themselves and what they want. When I see someone succeeding, I’m like, “Oh, I love that for them. I’m going to have that too. I’m not worried about it. I’m not triggered by it.” I’m so excited for them and I can’t wait until it happens to me, that type of mentality – gosh – that just gets us so much further. It’s scary to share our wins.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:31:23] It is. Yeah. It’s very funny. And there’s even a tendency to downplay them. It’s like the “tough moments” or whatever – I don’t know – people definitely identify with them more and so then it does make us want to play it down sometimes, which is very interesting.
Jen Diaz: [00:31:43] Yeah. I learned to downplay my strength and myself, I remember learning that in middle school, like, really, really heavily. Like, girls talk down about themselves. If you were confident, you were not liked. I remember getting in high school and playing sports, and ended up playing above people who are older than me, and that didn’t go well. I was not well liked as a result. And at that age, belonging is so important for us and for our survival.
Jen Diaz: [00:32:19] And now I look back and like, “Girl, so what? Don’t get over it. It doesn’t matter.” But then, it did matter. And so, that’s been a big thing I’ve had to overcome and learn that it’s okay to be confident and things. It doesn’t mean you’re not humble. It doesn’t mean your arrogant. It just means you know you’ve got a level of competency and confidence in yourself and your ability to handle things. And you give other people permission to be that way too. And so, that’s something that – gosh – I would just love to see women not struggle with.
Jen Diaz: [00:32:56] I know for me when I see friends downplay, I will be like, “Absolutely not. That will not happen in my presence.” Let’s say, good days are better [inaudible]. There’s not room for you to downplay because I don’t want you shining as brightly as you possibly can.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:33:18] Yeah. I feel like people confuse cockiness with confidence and arrogance. And I feel like as my business has grown over the years, I have become more confident, not in thinking that I have the ship, but in thinking that if something happened, I would be able to figure it out. I don’t think I’m impervious to bad things happening in the business or a launch night going well or whatever, but it’s more like I just feel like, “Okay. If that happened, I would figure it out. I’d be fine.”
Jen Diaz: [00:33:50] Yeah. People who are not allowed to be confident will view confidence as arrogance. You know, we talked a little bit about the work that I do and touched a little on shadow work. And working at what traits are you not allowed to be in order to be loved and accepted? And, for me, confidence is one of them. Like, if I’m confident, then I’m not going to be loved. People won’t like me. And anytime I would see another woman express confidence, I wouldn’t say anything. But internally, I’d be like, “Who does she think she is?”
Jen Diaz: [00:34:25] And, finally, I realized, “Oh, my gosh. Who do I think I’m not?” Like, that’s the problem. “She’s confident in that, why am I not allowed to be that? Let me step into it a little bit.” And now when I see women who are confident, I’m like, “Girl, yes. Get it.” And I love it. But that’s something I’d encourage anybody who feels not great when you see someone who is confident, who is winning, to slow down and ask yourself, “Wait a minute. What about this is really hitting on for me? What am I not allowed to be? What do I not believe about myself? that I maybe want to?”
Jen Diaz: [00:35:05] Because the more confident we are – true confidence, like you just said. Not having the ship – I trust myself. I think I’m going to be okay. I can handle what’s coming even if it’s not ideal. That sense of groundedness and confidence is so vital to success and just really enjoying our life in general.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:35:29] Yeah. And I would think an area I’d love for you to talk about this around because this comes up a lot, not only with our audience in a much nicer way, but I see it a lot on my end with Facebook Ads and stuff, people are very triggered by you selling something, like asking for money in exchange for a product or service.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:35:46] And it’s always so fascinating from my perspective, and we talk about this as a team all the time, that my people are all business owners. They all want to start their own business. And yet you’re offended that I’m charging money for a product. So, how do you plan to run a business?
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:36:03] Like, what is coming up for people? What they’re seeing next? Because I think it’s very common, like, people are much nicer and so they’ll always write to me and they’ll say, “I’m just feeling really badly. I just want to help people. I don’t want to ask for money.” Or, “I’m not sure I can charge those rates yet because I haven’t worked with people,” or something like that. So, if you could talk that, I think that’s helpful.
Jen Diaz: [00:36:21] I mean, this is all assumption, for sure, but I think when you’re getting comments like that, these people are actually really showing you what’s going on for them and their beliefs about charging and selling. And so, if, say, someone is wanting to start a business but they’re terrified, they have so many blocks when it comes to making money, spending money, and they see someone else doing it competently, it’s just highlighting something they’re not allowed to do or they’re not brave enough to do yet.
Jen Diaz: [00:36:55] And so, they’re not going to like it. They’re going to lash out because what that does is they’re projecting things that they are uncomfortable with and trying to bring you down to separate them to make them feel, you know, our ego loves to separate us and to elevate us in a way.
Jen Diaz: [00:37:13] And so, I’m altruistic. I would never sell. I mean, unless you have a massive trust fund, you don’t really need to make money. You need to sell your services. So, I don’t know what their situation is. But you’re there just showing what’s going on underneath the surface for them and they’re unaware of it. So, it’s a lot of projection, a lot of frustration. And it’s hard probably not to take that personally.
Jen Diaz: [00:37:41] But, again, for me, I have a lot of empathy for them, because I think – gosh – you must be so frustrated and stuck, and that cannot feel good. Because if you feel good, if you feel confident and you’re successful, you’re not going to be leaving comments like that. You don’t have time. That doesn’t even pop into your head. So, that’s unfortunate for them, for sure.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:38:08] Yeah. We always joke as a team that Amy Porter is not leaving these comments, there’s a reason why you don’t see [inaudible].
Jen Diaz: [00:38:15] Amy is too busy for that. She’s [inaudible] going on.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:38:17] Yeah. Amy’s got stuff on her plate. And, hopefully, she’s not even on Instagram. Just like that always centers me in this. For anybody who gets comments about those things, like you talked a lot about, people pour in the arena with you, you’re not even fighting the fight with me so your opinion to me is not that worthy.
Jen Diaz: [00:38:37] Yeah. It’s a huge sign that they’re not doing what they need to be doing. Absolutely. And that comments makes them feel a little bit of relief for a moment.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:38:51] Have you ever felt lost about where to begin with the legal side of protecting your online business? Some people say you can just wing it at the beginning and get officially set up later. Not a good idea, by the way. Whether you’re afraid to even start working with clients because you don’t want to do something wrong legally and then get in trouble or your business is growing and you sort of forgot to take care of the legal pieces, I’ve got you.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:39:13] I don’t want you to live in fear of the internet police coming after you and your business. But you do have to do certain things and get certain things in place in order to legally and safely run your business online. As much as it just feels like an unregulated Wild Wild West online, that is very much not the case.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:39:30] As an attorney turned entrepreneur and former corporate litigator, I can assure you that there are rules. There are real steps that everybody who runs or starts an online business needs to take. And you’re not behind at all. We can get you set up and following the rules right away. In fact, we can even do it today.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:39:47] I want to teach you the five very simple steps to take to legally protect and grow your online business. You don’t need an MBA to be a successful entrepreneur and stay out of legal hot water. But you do need to dot your legal i’s and cross your t’s in a few key areas that can’t be skipped. That’s exactly what I’ll teach you in my free one hour legal workshop called Five Steps to Legally Protect and Grow Your Online Business. Just head to mylegalworkshop.com, drop in your email address, pick the time, and I’ll send you a link to watch the workshop video whenever you have time.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:40:16] This is the best place to begin if you’re just getting started legally legitimizing your business, so head on over to mylegalworkshop.com and sign up to watch Five Steps to Legally Protect and Grow Your Online Business now.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:40:31] And what about our listeners, who can be earlier on entrepreneurship, haven’t hit the marks or revenue that they would like to, and they’re thinking like, “Is this thing going to work? Is this going to take up? Do I even matter?” I feel like a lot of people start to go down the path, what I hear, they start to feel and create a story around how the field is already too crowded, there’s too many people already doing this.
Jen Diaz: [00:40:56] First, I would be like, what does that really mean? In reality, is there room? What do you even mean by that? Of course, there’s room. There’s absolutely room, but why are you asking that question? Is there room for you in your own line? And do you matter? Yes. I can tell you that all day. But, ultimately, what I would ask is where do you feel like you don’t? And where did that come from? And why is that a thing?
Jen Diaz: [00:41:27] The other thing, too, the reality of it is, oftentimes, it really takes us longer than we want it to, to hit certain milestones and to achieve the level of success. Sometimes our minds and our vision is just so much further than our reality. And I don’t know, marketing these days is wild and so we think that everyone else is succeeding in a quicker pace than we are, and that’s just not true.
Jen Diaz: [00:41:56] I’ve worked for myself for over a decade now. And it takes longer, probably a little bit more work, than you want it to, to get to where you want to be. But, yes, it’s absolutely possible. It’s just a matter of choosing to believe there’s room for you, that your voice does matter. I mean, does anyone’s voice matter? Yes and no at the same time. You get to decide, does it matter enough to you?
Jen Diaz: [00:42:24] For me, there’s probably not a lot of people that actually care that I write, that I show up. But what matters to me is that I hold myself to that because I care. It means something to me. I care about that. So, I’m going to choose to do that and I’ll resonate and reach with certain people that I meant to, and just trust that process because there’s so many people put there who would relate to you, who would love to hear from you, but they have to know about you, and you have to want that for yourself even more.
Jen Diaz: [00:42:56] So, if you’re new and you’re starting – or maybe not new because that, to me, is like you’ve been trying, you’re showing up and putting an effort. Head down, focus on what you really want to do and why, and take that seriously. And show up for yourself first. And then, just trust that it’s going to come when it’s meant to.
Jen Diaz: [00:43:21] But, really, the only thing that separates people who are incredibly successful from those who don’t make it is just that perseverance and continuing to show up. Even when it’s hard, even when you fail, even when you get knocked down, you just get back up and you keep going.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:43:38] Yeah. And I see a lot of people get bogged down in those earlier years with, like, the intake of so much information. I mean, between buying tons of courses and [inaudible]. And then, there’s the other part of mindset and I’m supposed to be working on this mindset. And they feel like they’re so far from what they would visualize that it feels crushing to like how am I going to get from where I am now to where I want to go.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:44:06] So, I think it would be helpful if you shared a little bit about what you do recommend focusing on for those people that just feel like it’s not quite taking up or they feel like it’s not working yet.
Jen Diaz: [00:44:16] Yeah. I think first of, it is really helpful to have an overarching vision, like the bigger vision that we have for our life, our business, revenue, all that. It’s helpful to have that. When it comes to what we focus on, that is not it. Because if it is too different from your current reality, it will be wildly demotivating for your unconscious mind. It’s too faraway. It’s too much work. We can’t really resolve the difference.
Jen Diaz: [00:44:47] So, for me, it’s like let’s have the vision that we look at, we revisit occasionally. We know that’s underlying. Like, that’s the purpose of why I’m doing what I’m doing. But when it comes to what you’re focusing on is what is a goal in the next three months that feels slightly out of reach. You want to feel like you’re being stretched a little bit but it’s not so far away from reality that you aren’t motivated to do it.
Jen Diaz: [00:45:16] So, that’s where we look at very tangible things, how I can control my actions, my mentality, the stories I’m telling myself, how I’m showing up. I can’t control the outcomes no matter how hard I try. So, that’s not something I recommend focusing on.
Jen Diaz: [00:45:33] For me, its like, “Okay. In three months, if you want to increase your revenue, what would be just slightly out of reach you think? And then, what action steps do you need to take in order to potentially increase it? Maybe I need to get consistent in certain ways in email marketing. I need to get consistent on the way I’m showing up on social. And I’m not really selling that [inaudible], so I’m going to try that out.”
Jen Diaz: [00:45:57] So, I’m going to make a commitment to myself to push my favorite product or service at least twice a week on these days. I’m going to show up fully. And I’m going to talk about it. So, you’re really focusing on your skills, the actions you’re taking. And then, kind of releasing. You might surprise yourself. It might be better. It might be close to it, not quite, might be right at it. It’s hard to know.
Jen Diaz: [00:46:22] But we have to stop focusing so much on an outcome. Thinking when I get that outcome, I’ll feel successful, I’ll be this version of myself. Because the reality is you have to become that version by the actions you take in order to get those outcomes. And so, focus on what you can control, what you can do right now, and increasing your skills, getting better at how you show up, getting better at how you serve your people and your products, all of that. And the outcomes will eventually take care of themselves.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:46:58] Yeah. I like that. When the vision in the future feels like too big, too far away, it feels overwhelming, I start to think about the distance instead. Instead of between where I am now and where I want to go, I start thinking of the distance between where I am now and where I was. Because I’m like, “Whoa. You’ve really moved,” and that makes me feel the motivation, the momentum to keep going.
Jen Diaz: [00:47:22] So, there’s a book called – I’m looking for it right now – The Rise by Dr. Sarah Lewis, that’s phenomenal. And she talks about setting goals just beyond our reach. Because in her book, she’s speaking on how silver medalists in the Olympics are way more likely to be incredibly motivated to train to win gold the next time. Whereas, the bronze not so much, because they’re just like, “I got on a podium. I got a medal. Thank goodness.” But the silver, they’re like, “Almost. Almost there.” So, they’re motivated.
Jen Diaz: [00:47:58] So, when you’re looking at goals, you want to get something that’s just beyond your reach. It stretches you enough that you’re not bored but isn’t so far away that you’re just not motivated, because it’s like “There’s no way I can get there.”
Jen Diaz: [00:48:13] That’s also how we find that flow state. It’s that the challenge is the right amount and so are our skills. Like, we feel perfectly challenged. It’s not too easy. It’s not too hard. We’re really in that beautiful space of everything is just the right balance that it needs to be.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:48:34] Yeah. I like that. My incredible operations manager, Lindsey, if she’s listening, she always gives me this list everyday of things I need to knock out. And she tries to give me easy wins, medium wins, big wins. And so, she’ll always be like, “Knock these things out first because you’re going to feel so great.” And it does. It gives you that little movement you need.
Jen Diaz: [00:48:53] It does. Absolutely. And I think about this. You know, I’m a really good dreamer. I’m really good at having very specific visions. And it’s almost like I’m looking at the top of five staircases. And it’s like how am I going to get up there? What can I do to get to just the next two steps? Because, often, with action, that was what brings clarity and opportunity that we couldn’t have seen beforehand.
Jen Diaz: [00:49:23] And so, I think anybody who’s new at this with big dreams, big goals, like, hold the vision. Write it down. Keep it somewhere. But when it comes to what you focus on consistently, let it be the daily actions and how you can show up for yourself.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:49:40] Yeah. Super helpful. I’m glad you brought up that book. By the way, we will make sure that we link to it. But I was actually going to ask you anyway if there were some top recommendations you had for books that we should read. And maybe who they’re for and why you’d recommend them.
Jen Diaz: [00:49:54] Yeah. So many. So many. I’m looking over here because all my books are over here. For mindset, I really enjoyed How To Do The Work? By Dr. Nicole LePera. And a similar one would be The Source by Dr. Tara Swart. I like those because they talk about kind of the why behind the what. I like learning about the way our minds work and different ways to optimize. And so, those are really, really great for that. Another one that I enjoyed is called Fear Less by Dr. Pippa Grange. She is a really phenomenal psychologist that works with – or used to work with elite athletes and talking about how to move through fear, where it comes from, how to navigate it. So, those three would be fantastic.
Jen Diaz: [00:50:48] Business-wise, well, I tell you what, another one that I really like that I recommend a lot to women entrepreneurs is called Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting to be Wanted by Dr. Polly Young-Eisendrath. That book, it’s a dense read. I’m not going to lie. But when it comes to getting clearer on what you authentically desire, especially as a woman, it is really phenomenal.
Jen Diaz: [00:51:19] I remember someone suggesting it for me and I was like, “I don’t know. I feel like I’m pretty good here.” And then, I read it and it knocked me off my feet in a couple sections. And I was like, “Whoa. This is good.” So, that would be one I would highly recommend any woman to read.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:51:36] That’s awesome. Okay. Those are really helpful. One of the things I love about you is you have just such a dedication to the craft and to continuing to learn and take this seriously, and, actually, that would be helpful for you. You’ve talked about this on Instagram before, I think it would be helpful for you to talk about what someone should really look for in a mindset coach, even in a business coach. I mean, you do both, really, you help people in mindset but really helping with business too.
Jen Diaz: [00:52:02] So, this industry is so interesting in how its grown in the last few years. So, specifically speaking, I differentiate the two with coaching. A coach is which is what I would consider myself mostly. I do dip into a little consulting occasionally when it’s called for and appropriate. But coaching is very much a skill that is about the relationship.
Jen Diaz: [00:52:32] But I’m not like, “Sam, here’s exactly what you need to to do with your life.” If I did, do not listen. But it’s more about I understand the psychology behavior change. I understand how to ask questions that will, hopefully, pull out wisdom and answers that are within you to help you find clarity.
Jen Diaz: [00:52:54] And so, as far as coaching goes, if you’re looking for a mindset coach or any kind, even life coach, what you want to see is you want to see credentials. You want them to have had training and experience in very respectable realms. So, you’re looking at things like, you know, my training was based in positive psychology, psychology of behavior change. I’ve also had some experience with different trainings in the subconscious mind.
Jen Diaz: [00:53:22] So, anytime someone is dealing with mindset, they need to have a really strong understanding of the subconscious mind and how to work within it, I think personally, beyond their own personal experience with mindset. They need to understand how to communicate, the way people work, the psychology behavior change, those types of things. They need to have a good recollection. So, search for certifications that are recognized by the International Coaching Federation. That’s usually something to look for. And just experience and that they are doing it themselves.
Jen Diaz: [00:54:00] Well, a certification for me, in my opinion, is kind of like the foundation that you build everything else upon. It also very much matters that you’re doing your own work. And you’re committed to your own mindset work and continuing to learn and grow within that. So, you want to look for those things in a coach.
Jen Diaz: [00:54:19] When it comes to business coaching, nine times out of ten, that is very much consulting. Meaning, their hand delivering you knowledge, specific strategy, those types of things. So, I say if you’re looking for a coach, you need to be very clear on what you want to learn. Is there a strategy that you don’t have the knowledge of? Is there something that you genuinely need and can’t figure out on your own?
Jen Diaz: [00:54:49] And ideally they might have some credentials. I, personally, would look for someone who has versatility. I’m not drawn to someone who has one method of doing things, because that says to me that worked really well for them and it might work for you, it might not, it really depends. So, coming from a place of do they have the knowledge that I really want to learn from and that I need in order to move forward. And do I align with their values. Like, what do they talk about? Because it’s hard to know because people are really good at marketing.
Jen Diaz: [00:55:28] But, ultimately, watch, do your due diligence, research, hop on a call with them, and trust your gut. Like, beyond anything else, you’re going to know. You’re going to have a gut reaction. Like, your initial “This is right.” Don’t talk yourself out of it. Trust that. Because I don’t necessarily think – hopefully not – that you’re not going to make a detrimental decision in business by hiring someone or working with someone. Even if it doesn’t go well, it’s going to be experience and knowledge.
Jen Diaz: [00:56:01] But I definitely don’t make a decision out of scarcity or fear. Anytime you’re like, “Oh. They have the answer. This is going to solve all my problems.” Be really wary of that because it won’t at all. And I know personally, I want to work with people who have a gut yes. Like, you’re the right person, I want to work with you. If you’re like, “You know, I’m not feeling you,” then, great. That’s okay. There’s somebody else out there if you want that will be a better fit, work with them. That’s just in the interest of everyone involved.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:56:34] I think that’s really, really solid advice that you can all take for hiring other people, and then even for marketing yourself, and feeling confident and attracting the right people, and not everyone needs to be for us, we’re not for everyone else. I always think about that. Yeah, that’s super helpful.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:56:54] I was wondering if you could chat with us a little but about this attachment to our outcome or even attachment as being an entrepreneur maybe for some of us who have been doing it a little bit longer. But I find that even beginner entrepreneurs get very attached to the outcome, the results, the revenue. Even if we’re talking about social media results, they make it mean a lot about them.
Sam Vander Wielen: [00:57:16] And I have a saying around here that I say all the time that, you are not your revenue. And I mean that both ways. You’re not it when it’s tiny. And you’re not it when it’s huge. So, either way, it’s not you. It’s just not you. It’s just something that happens. So, I just thought that might be helpful for you to chat with us about.
Jen Diaz: [00:57:34] Sure. In my work, when I see that – and I’m guilty of this too – what I’m seeing is residuals from growing up in a society where we’re really rewarded for having a fixed mindset. So, you know, get As, win the game, get a trophy, be the best. So, a lot of us unconsciously learn that when I do well, when I get good grades, good results, I’m loved, I’m celebrated, I belong, and I’m safe. Essentially, that’s a very unconscious story. None of us are thinking that necessarily now. But under the surface, that’s hugely what’s at play.
Jen Diaz: [00:58:13] And so, then, we leave school because school, the traditional setting, the way it’s run, is really heavily on the outcomes and testing how we do all that. And then, we get into entrepreneurship and the real world where it’s really there are infinite possibilities. We don’t have a winner or loser. We don’t really have a best anymore. We can’t win a gold star for our business, in most case I don’t think.
Jen Diaz: [00:58:40] So, we’re looking at how do I go from all these years of having this fixed mindset to how do I embrace the growth mindset. How do I praise the effort? How do I let go of the outcome and really hang my hat on? I tried. I put my full effort into it, win or lose, succeed or fail, whatever that means. That’s what makes me feel good about myself. That’s what makes me feel proud of myself. And that’s how I know I’m loved.
Jen Diaz: [00:59:10] And so, that’s where I think a lot of us, when we’re attaching our worth or our identity to what we do, we’re doing that because we think if I am successful enough, I’ll be safe, I’ll be loved. People will want to be around me. And that bar never moves. There’s always someone more successful, richer, prettier, all that stuff than we are. So, it’s exhausting. And it’s never enough.
Jen Diaz: [00:59:39] And so, on one hand, we have to start shifting. Let’s not focus on the results, let’s focus on the effort. Am I growing? Am I trying? Am I expanding as a human being? Which leads into the other point is, you need to make sure you are not just being a fraction of yourself. Because your job is just something you do. As a human being, you are so much more dynamic. So, having other interests and having really fulfilling relationships in your life.
Jen Diaz: [01:00:11] And I know for me, like, I have multiple hobbies that I thoroughly enjoy, and that in way have helped me stop identifying so heavily with my work and my results. Because I’m like, “That’s just something I do and I love it. I’m passionate about it. I care about it very much.” And I’m also really interested in this thing that has absolutely nothing to do with my work that I find a lot of fulfillment and joy within too.
Jen Diaz: [01:00:41] And so, allowing yourself to be multifaceted and dynamic and nurturing your creativity in other ways and other aspects of who you are as a human being is probably one of the most underrated things we can do as entrepreneurs in terms of overall health and fulfillment in life.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:01:01] Yeah. I think people see it as like a waste of time or even as unrelated to the business. But I find that the more things that I do that are unrelated directly to business, the better the business does in the long run.
Jen Diaz: [01:01:15] It’s really wild how that happens. I’ve experienced the same, and my little enneagram 3 heart loves it. Because I always have purpose for something. So, I mean, a lot of times when I work with clients, because there a lot of minor in that book, they’re driven, they’re pretty successful, and they’re like, “Wait a minute. I’m having a hard time even though it seems like I shouldn’t be, I am.”
Jen Diaz: [01:01:41] And so, a lot of times, nine times out of ten, with clients, I’m like, “I need you to try something that’s creative and totally new. And I hope you’re bad at it. Like, you need to be bad at it. And they’re like, “Oh, no. I hate it.” But they’ll do it and they’ll be like, “Okay. I did it. I suck. That was kind of hard but at the same time a little bit fun.” And then, a month or two later, they’ll be like, “I’m so shock at how quickly I’m taking action in this new thing in my business. I’m not even scared of it.” And so, it absolutely translates.
Jen Diaz: [01:02:12] I think it’s really cool how when we pursue creative endeavors that seemingly aren’t important or there’s no purpose to it, you’re actually are better at problem solving in your business. You’re just engaging a different part of the brain that allows you to be creative in different ways.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:02:30] Yeah. And maybe we don’t feel like it’s scary to try new things.
Jen Diaz: [01:02:34] Yeah. Yeah. And this is something that, you know, thinking about childhood and what you’d hope, kids ideally, if they’re in a really great environment growing up, that’s where that should be. It’s safe. You can fail, like, low risk failure. And you come home and you’re loved. It doesn’t matter. You tried. It’s okay. So, you can go out and try again.
Jen Diaz: [01:03:01] So, now, as adults, a lot of us have to figure out how do I cultivate that for myself, for my own inner child, how can I choose things that I can risk slightly, low barrier. Nothing detrimental going to happen if I fail here, like my abstract painting. Like, I’m not good at it. I didn’t even know you could do that. And you can be.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:03:23] You were really good at being at it, we could look at it that way.
Jen Diaz: [01:03:26] Yeah. That’s what I’ll try to tell myself. I failed, it’s fine. My ego didn’t like it, that’s for sure. But at the end of the day, no one’s hurt, no one cares if I’m good or bad at it. So, finding things that you can try and not be good at and fail at, it allows you to feel a little bit braver when the risks are higher and it does matter a little bit more.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:03:51] Yes. That’s true. I have feeling a lot of us listening are the type that hate doing things that we’re not – like, I like going into things I know I’m good at already. That’s always very comfortable for me. Also, I would like the one listener who had the ideal childhood to contact me, and also I would like to speak to your parents because I really got screwed on this one and I want to talk to you.
Jen Diaz: [01:04:15] Yeah. I know. Not many people have had that or not to the fullest extent at least.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:04:22] Yeah. Right. Like, who is this person? We need to talk to you. We need to study you in a bubble somewhere and your parents, obviously.
Jen Diaz: [01:04:31] Yeah. To protect you almost, you know.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:04:34] Yeah. Seriously, they’re like a national treasure.
Jen Diaz: [01:04:37] Seriously, yeah.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:04:39] I think it would be so cool if you could give us a tip on designing your dream life. Like, we’ve talked a lot today about getting clear on what you really want. But how do we start? Where do we start with that?
Jen Diaz: [01:04:39] That’s a really great question. If it were me, I would strip away everything you think you want right now. And get really quiet and really get curious about who you are underneath everything. Like, your personas, your ego, who am I on a soul level, revisiting some inner child work, remembering who you were as a little kid, like really young, before we were taught this is who you should be, these are the rules, all that. That’s really helpful just to kind of bring back some of that natural spirit and things that we enjoyed.
Jen Diaz: [01:05:30] But that’s what I would recommend, strip down, let go of everything you think you are. It can feel scary sometimes. But, really, just say, I’m just going to release these things and I’ll write them down. I’m going to just put them to the side, release them, and then just really get curious about who I am and when I genuinely desire. If I could let go of any outside pressure, if I could let go of feeling the need to prove myself to anyone, even me, I don’t need to prove anything. I just get to exist, what would I want to do, who would I be, what would I love.
Jen Diaz: [01:06:06] Like, really get clear on that, because a lot of us think we know who we are and what we want, and maybe we do to an extent. We at least know this version of us. But there are likely many different versions that have so much valuable knowledge and just goodness that, I think, we won’t discover unless we do strip it down and ask our questions, and start to get to know ourselves in a whole different way.
Jen Diaz: [01:06:35] So, that’s the first step which feels maybe a little elusive, but that’s what I would encourage you to journal on. Like, if I didn’t have to prove anything to anybody, if I could go back and live my life not in a way that I’m reacting to anything, what I would choose? What did I love as a child? What would I choose to spend time on now? What genuinely lights me up? And how can I build my life around these things that I actually love regardless of what society tells me or the people around me even tell me?
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:07:14] Yeah. And in such a noisy world, and for those of us on social media with our business, too, what do you recommend? How does someone get quiet in this world, in this situation? Does this mean, like, going off social? Or does this mean going somewhere? Do you see any sort of practical stuff for someone there?
Jen Diaz: [01:07:33] I mean, sure. Like, getting out of your normal routine can help. I mean, travelling, for me, always grounds me and puts things in perspective. However, I think one of the most powerful ways we can do it is spend a dedicated amount of time each week or even day where you don’t have your phone on you, you’re not listening to anything, you’re not reading anything, and you just get in nature.
Jen Diaz: [01:07:59] Get out in nature and just be quiet, be still, and just notice. Like, that is so simple. Well, I say that, I live in a city that has a decent amount of green space. But I think it can be more simple than I got to take a trip somewhere totally different where I have to this. So, yeah, just get in nature and be quiet, and listen. You might be surprised at what thoughts come up. And just acknowledge them with compassion. Don’t judge them. Just see what comes up for you.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:08:33] Yeah. That’s super helpful. I feel like the most frenetic and overwhelmed when I’m taking in a lot of information, and it does have a pretty strong direct correlation with alone time. So, I think that that would be helpful.
Jen Diaz: [01:08:45] Yeah. I think so. I think, too, setting some boundaries. Like anything, there’s good and bad involved, it’s nuance. And just checking yourself like, “What I’m a scrolling right now? What am I really searching for in this moment? What am I avoiding in this moment? And how can I just bring a little bit of awareness?” And just be like, “You know what? I’m going to put this down because I’m just doing this because I’m bored or I’m uncomfortable. I’ve got this task that I’m a little fearful about. And I’m going to put it away in a different room and take space. I’m going to do something different.”
Jen Diaz: [01:09:26] I know for me when I’m doing something work related and I feel stuck, I want to grab my phone to scroll. But I do better when I do something totally different. I engage in a hobby real quick or I’ll go for a walk. I get outside, walk for a second. We find so much more clarity when you come back and you’re like, “Oh, I’ve got all these ideas and epiphanies. And this is moving a lot more smoothly than I thought.”
Jen Diaz: [01:09:52] So, getting out in nature and moving your body, I think, is a really powerful way to just reconnect, and get quiet, and listen to what’s going on for you internally rather than taking in constant information.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:10:07] Yeah. It’s information overload, that is for sure. Well, one piece of information that I think is very worth it is being on your email list, which I’m going to drop all the links for below. Because Jen sends out on Mondays. She sends out a beautiful email, and I always think it just makes me reflect on so many different things. But she also gives you journal prompts, so for those of you who we talked about that, you can get that.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:10:29] But I feel like you’re so great with your email list and you know that this is something I admire a lot. And could you give anybody some tips on starting that list? Like, what would you recommend to somebody who’s starting out on the building an email list journey?
Jen Diaz: [01:10:45] Yeah. I think making it as easy as possible for yourself.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:10:49] Get on it.
Jen Diaz: [01:10:50] Yeah. Yeah. Because I’ve been doing this really consistently every week. I haven’t missed a week yet for almost two years. So, now it’s kind of a fun little – and every purpose and there was some in the past before I was traveling. But, for me, when I thought about it, I love writing. So, for me, I was like, “Okay. An email list makes sense. Even blog, I’m worthy as heck.” I’m not concise, I don’t know.
Jen Diaz: [01:11:17] So, I like writing, so when we write an email, I was really inspired by James Clear and how consistent he is. He was a writer so I was looking, you know, I admire how he’s grown what he’s done, and he’s getting to do what he loves. And he just sends out every Thursday a 321 email, where its three ideas from him, two quotes from other people, and my question.
Jen Diaz: [01:11:42] And I remember getting that and I was like, “This is so ridiculously simple. What could I do that my people would enjoy? What do people ask me for?” And I was like, “They really want to know what journal prompts would be helpful, and what affirmations.” So, I was just like, “I’ll write a little on because that’s what I like, so I can commit to that.” And I’ll send them journal prompts and affirmations. And I’ll make this a fun thing for me and for them.
Jen Diaz: [01:12:10] And it was so well-received and is still to this day one of my favorite things to do and ways to connect with people even though I feel like a dinosaur a little bit with emailing. But I don’t know, it feels really intimate and I just love it. And so, that’s the one area that I feel confident and very consistent in and find a lot of joy out of.
Jen Diaz: [01:12:33] And so, if you can combine those things, like what brings me joy, what do I genuinely like to do, and what’s a way to make this simple for myself in a way to serve others, that was the way that I approached it, and it was really helpful. And then, from there, it was like, “All right. I’m committing to this. And I’m using this as a way to build self-trust, to build my consistency, to build my confidence.” And looking at it, that’s what I do, that’s what I commit to. And I write them most of the time, not always, most of the time the day I send them out.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:13:07] Oh, really?
Jen Diaz: [01:13:08] I do, yeah. And I have in the past. Every now and then I’ll be ahead of it. But I kind of treat it as like a little bit of a writing exercise for myself, what’s coming up for you today, what story do you want to share today. And then, I write it and it’s a nice thing. Sometimes I go to a coffee shop and just really enjoy the process of it. So, I enjoy it and that’s what helps me find something new and enjoy. And I’m actually drawn to and do that.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:13:36] Yeah. And that comes through in your writing. But you also do something that I always encourage people to do, which is that even if you have a story or something came up for you, you shift it into a teaching moment for others. And so, sometimes people gets too stuck in one or the other camps where they do all storytelling about themselves but then they don’t make the jump to how this relates to the person that you’re writing to is going through. Or they just do all the teaching with none of the kind of vulnerable or storytelling part. So, did that come for you over time?
Jen Diaz: [01:14:08] Yeah. I think that I just had to learn. I had to hone that skill. And just over time, repetition, doing it, it comes a lot easier now. I mean, sometimes even still I’m writing, I’m like, “Oh, this is two separate emails. These points don’t even connect.” And so, I’ll separate and stuff. But that just has grown as I’ve done it and practiced it. It’s kind of like with anything. If you want to get better at writing, you’ve got to write. If you want to get better at storytelling, you got to learn how to tell stories.
Jen Diaz: [01:14:46] Which, I read a book called Stories that Stick by Kindra Hall years ago. And it’s such a good book on storytelling especially for business. And she’s a fantastic storyteller so it’s such an easy read. But reading that, I think, helped me a little bit, too, to understand like I can share my story but how can I really let it connect with them.
Jen Diaz: [01:15:07] And sometime it might not, that’s the other thing. You know, sometimes I’ll write one and I’m like, “Not my best work, you know.” And my husband, he edits a lot of my stuff and he’s like, “Well, you know, they can’t all be homerun, so it’s fine.” Like, “Yeah.” And, usually to my surprise, someone would be like, “That really resonated with me.”
Jen Diaz: [01:15:23] So, there is something to be said about show up on the paper, do your job, and then release it. Like in The Artist’s Way, she has this prayer that, basically, essentially, I’m going to show up and I’ll take care of the quantity. You take care of the quality. As soon as my art is done, as soon as my writing is done, it’s out there. It doesn’t belong to me anymore. And I have no control over how people interpret it, digest it, all of that. That’s totally out of my control. That’s why it’s really cool sometimes to see it go really well. And even a lot of times it’s to my surprise. Like, I always hope that happens. But when it does, it’s like, “Cool. That’s me.” So, I don’t know, it’s great.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:16:10] Yeah. It goes back to what we talked about in the beginning about things going better than we maybe even imagined. Like, just putting ourselves out there and trying.
Jen Diaz: [01:16:18] Oh, yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:16:21] That’s awesome. I think you’re going to inspire a lot of people because I have a feeling judging from the emails that I get from people asking about email marketing in particular, there’s a lot of hang up on making things perfect and knowing the right thing to say. Like, I should be talking about this, so I think you’re going to give people a lot of freedom. And maybe your tip on writing them the same day and writing it in a space that you like, like a coffee shop, I’m the same way, maybe that almost forces you to just be like, “I just got to get this out there because I have committed to sending this email every Monday or whatever.”
Jen Diaz: [01:16:51] I think for me, when I first started my business and I started email marketing – oh, gosh – 2015 – no. Earlier than that. It was earlier than that, like 2012 or 2013 – I was so stressed about typos, about it has to be perfect, it has to be ah, and it was miserable. It was just not a fun experience. And over time, I would get inspired by people who I saw take quick action even when it was messy. And I’m like, “They’re doing it. And I’m over here needing everything to be perfect, no typo. God forbid, I’m human.” Holding myself back as a result.
Jen Diaz: [01:17:36] And so, part of me even now with my email newsletter, I obviously want it to be really good and I want it to be helpful. And it’s a practice for me to overcome the perfection. And it’s a practice for me to stay consistent even when I don’t feel like it’s that good. And I’d rather bury it in my archives. It’s things that no one should ever read. Because there are times when I’m like, “Well, you know, we’re just in and out this week. This is just what I’m saying. I don’t know, everybody might not subscribe. Who knows?”
Jen Diaz: [01:18:08] But, for me, it’s like I’ve got to be consistent and I’ve got to show up even when it’s not perfect, and that’s okay.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:18:14] Yeah. And you’re giving other people permission, whether it’s with writing or elsewhere in business and life.
Jen Diaz: [01:18:21] Yeah. Well, that’s just how we go so much further. I mean, my business has grown. When I started doing this consistently, I started getting clients from it. More than anything else, they’re like, “I just love your emails.” And I’m like, “Oh. Wow.” I’d hope, but I wasn’t even promoting my sources consistently. So, I was like, “Well, that’s cool. That’s neat. Amazing. I’m going to keep doing that because that seems to really be working.”
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:18:47] Yeah. I think that’s how I found you. Actually, Jamie sent me your emails and was like, “You have to subscribe to her emails. You’ll love it.” And then, I just loved you through your writing. But I also remember thinking like, “Man, if she gives this much information in the email, this is so powerful it is. And this is what I feel and takeaway from her emails and her journal prompts that she’s giving us all every week for free. Like, what must it be like to work with you?” And so, I feel like that’s such a powerful lesson for everyone, listening.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:19:17] People are always so afraid of like Am I giving it away? Am I doing this? Am I doing that? But I think showing people, really painting that picture of this is what’s it like to be in my orbit, come on in. It is pretty nice.
Jen Diaz: [01:19:29] Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you. That means a lot because that’s what I hope on both fronts that you get a lot from emails and then you get more with me. That’s always the goal. And that’s something, too, I think we don’t realize how impactful we can be with just our presence. So, yeah, I think that’s a good point.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:19:49] Yeah. I’m glad. Okay. Let’s do our little fun lightning round would you rather questions. And then, I want you to share with everyone how they can work with you and get in touch with you. First would you rather, would you rather read fiction or nonfiction?
Jen Diaz: [01:20:05] Fiction.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:20:06] All right. What’s the best fiction book you’ve read recently?
Jen Diaz: [01:20:12] Oh, gosh. I just read Lessons in Chemistry.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:20:12] That’s what I’m reading right now.
Jen Diaz: [01:20:16] I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed that book. Yes.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:20:19] I’m reading it right now and I’m really liking it a lot. I loved Where’d You Go, Bernadette? and it reminds of it.
Jen Diaz: [01:20:22] Yes. That’s a good one too. I loved that.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:20:26] Yeah. I liked that. All right. Would you rather live at the beach, the mountains, or the desert?
Jen Diaz: [01:20:31] Oh, gosh. Somewhere where you could have the beach and the mountains, that would be great. If I had to pick, though, probably mountains right now.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:20:40] Okay. That’s a good one. Since you just went there, I’ll throw in this curveball. Would you rather live in Rome or Paris?
Jen Diaz: [01:20:46] Paris.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:20:48] Okay. Same. Would you rather order coffee or tea?
Jen Diaz: [01:20:51] Coffee.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:20:52] What’s your go-to coffee order?
Jen Diaz: [01:20:54] I love a cappuccino with almond milk right now. That’s my favorite, hard to beat.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:21:00] Yeah. Okay. This is the most controversial would you rather question of the entire show that everyone always says it’s controversial. Would you rather – you and Eric – clean up as you go or clean up at the end when cooking?
Jen Diaz: [01:21:14] I clean up as I go.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:21:17] This has caused a lot of marriage stripe right here.
Jen Diaz: [01:21:20] Yes. Yeah. I could see that. I like to clean up as I go because, yes, that feels good to me. The end is overwhelming. I’m like, “Too much stuff,” and then I leave it. I can’t see it.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:21:33] Yeah. That’s what everybody says. I’m the same way. Would you rather hit up a fancy restaurant or the best food trucks?
Jen Diaz: [01:21:41] Oh. You know, I think I like the fancy restaurants. The ambiance, I just love the ambiance and the setting.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:21:49] I love it. All right. I love your lighting round answers. And now I would love it if you would share with everyone how they can get in touch with you and how they can work with you. Because I’m sure a lot of people would love to join JAVA Method or what could be further.
Jen Diaz: [01:22:02] Yeah. Absolutely. So, getting on my email list is hands down the best way to get in touch with me, and I know you’ll link to that. But I send out a newsletter every Monday with thoughts from me and journal prompts, affirmations, and also places where you can see if you are interested in working with me, where you can find that. I do right now see one on one clients. I love one on one work. I love being in it with my people. And I’ve got a few spots open for the rest of the year right now at the moment.
Jen Diaz: [01:22:33] And then, the JAVA Method, I have a membership that has been so incredibly fun to run and to see. It’s called thejavamethod.com. So, if you want to start doing the mindset work and you need tools and strategies on how to do that, I give you everything. So many visualizations. I teach you how to do the right structure and pacing to do it so that it feels very possible and not overwhelming. There’s a community group there, and we have a call once a month where you can come on and get life coaching and ask questions and stuff. So, that’s thejavamethod.com.
Jen Diaz: [01:23:13] And if you want to work with me one on one, jenniferdiaz.com is where you can find more information and apply to set up a call.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:23:20] Perfect. We will link to everything for everyone that we were talking about. Like all these visualizations and the journal prompts and everything, Jen gives you all of that in the JAVA Method, too, and they’re so good. Your visualizations are so good and I love them.
Jen Diaz: [01:23:34] Thank you.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:23:34] Yes. This is #notsponsored but we will share just [inaudible], so that’s all. We will share everything. I hope you all reach out to Jen and let her know. I’ll also share your Instagram so they can follow along and see your cute doggies. And I just so appreciate you doing this with me, Jen. Thank you so much.
Jen Diaz: [01:23:55] Thanks, Sam, for having me. I just love chatting with you anyway. This is so fun. Thank you.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:24:01] So fun. Thank you.
Sam Vander Wielen: [01:24:06] Thanks so much for listening to the On Your Terms podcast. Make sure to follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. You can also check out all of our podcast episodes, show notes, links, and more at samvanderwielen.com/podcast.
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