Whole Foods copy FAIL! Here’s my fix.

I Fixed Whole Foods Bad Copy. Here’s How:

I hope you’re thirsty for a super powerful, yet very simple, copywriting lesson.

I’ve had the flu for the past few days, but I couldn’t let this copywriting lesson slip by.

I’m normally not one to use water bottles (I’m an environment nut, after all) but sometimes you get so sick you can’t hold your 20 lb Stanley tumbler anymore.

I asked Ryan (my husband) to get me some electrolyte water. When he lugged home the 6-pack of Whole Foods’ electrolyte waters, it was as if I could feel the cells in my body perk up with anticipatory hydration.

“It’s alkaline water too! It’s ionized to pH 9.5” Ryan shared with me.

Maybe it was the fever, or the fact I don’t know anything about water, but I thought, “so what? What does that do for me?“

I went to the bottle to find out.

Surely, Whole Foods copywriter would tell me what the benefits of “perfectly” ionized, alkalinized, electrolyte-filled water are.

So imagine my copywriting horror, if there is such a thing, when I saw this:

First, I looked at the front. It had a whole lotta jibber jabber about what they’ve done to this water, likely to justify the cost. But still, I didn’t understand why it’s helpful to me?

So I flipped it over, where brands usually put quippy copy about who this product’s for, how it benefits them, and what differentiates it (to justify the cost).

All I found on the back was more jibber jabber. I’m glad they taught me what pH stood for — maybe I was the last person alive who didn’t know — but I still don’t get why it’s good for me.

WILL IT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? More hydrated? Less sleepy? More like Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman?

Why should I pay for this bottle, when I get tap water for free? Please, oh please, give me some tangible benefits.

Look, I’m not a copywriter. No matter how much I dream of being Don Draper, I don’t know all of what goes into using AI bots writing water bottle copy.

But I’ve written:

• 564 blog posts
• 1,126 weekly emails to nearly 35,000 email subscribers, and
• 80,000+ words of my first book, When I Start My Business, I’ll Be Happy

So with the arthritis in my creaky-cracky hands as evidence, I write you my 1,127th email of all time to confidently say:

Your audience needs to hear the answer to “…so what?” in your copy.

Whether you’re writing sales page copy, a social media post, or your next email — you have to tell your reader what’s in it for them. Why should they care? Add a little invisible, silent “so what?” so you force yourself to answer it.

I tend to use the “so that…” principle. If I was writing something to say “the Ultimate Bundle® gives you 14 DIY Legal Templates,” I mentally tack on “… so that” to complete the sentence like this:

the Ultimate Bundle® gives you 14 DIY Legal Templates […so that]

so you can confidently grow your business knowing you have lawyer-drafted contracts in your back pocket.

Sometimes it actually works to leave the “so that” in the sentence. Other times, like the example I used above, I delete it.

Let’s apply this to the Whole Foods water bottle.

A quick Google search told me the benefits to higher pH water are: hydration, digestion, bone health, detoxification, and pH balance (which has its own list of benefits: better energy & sleep, less pain & acid reflux.)

Here’s my quick try at re-writing the bottle copy:

Instead of just explaining a bunch of features to the thirsty reader, I slipped in some of the benefits, too. First, I wanted to point out how our water is different than just “plain old water,” which would try to justify the cost to the consumer.

Next, I wanted to explain why different is better. That’s where the “so what?” comes in. How does higher pH benefit the drinker?

Now you try! Comment below and give me your best shot.

There’s truly no right or wrong answer. You should practice doing this often. Especially with silly things like this! It helps us to stop overthinking 🙂

Can’t wait to see your re-write.

PS. Do you like this types of tips or lessons? If you want more things like this, let me know! I love teaching through examples, especially silly ones in the real world.

Subscriber Question of the Week

“Can I have a DBA as a Sole-Prop”

A sole proprietorship (what the cool kids call a “sole prop”) is a type of business entity. A d/b/a and a sole prop are not the same type of thing — so it’s not an either/or situation. People who register their businesses as a sole prop, or an LLC, can get a d/b/a. But getting a d/b/a is not a substitute for registration. A d/b/a is something you get in addition to registering your business.

You might get this confused because your state may not require sole prop’s to file for registration. Most states DO require sole props to register, so it’s really important to know what’s required where you live.

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Got a legal question? ​Submit yours here →

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Podcast Episode Of The Week

☀️ How a Rude DM Inspired Me to Do This [Summer Series]

If you waited until things were perfect — the truth is, you’d never show up.

I’m grateful for a really rude DM I got the other day telling me how bad I looked in a video.

Tune in to learn how to:

• balance perfectionism and getting content out the door
• detach from your business’ wins and losses
• let unnecessary feedback roll off your shoulders

Listen to the latest podcast episode→​ ☀️ How a Rude DM Inspired Me to Do This [Summer Series]

✔️ Your Task This Week

Re-write the copy from the water bottle to have a: hook, problem, and benefits. The original copy was:

pH, which stands for “potential of hydrogen,” is the measure of acidity or alkalinity. The higher the pH, the greater the alkalinity. Our Alkaline & Electrolyte Water is ionically charged to pH 9.5+.

Comment below with your re-write!