How I Stopped Letting the Algorithm Decide What I Like [Summer Read-Aloud]

  Sam Vander Wielen: Hey there, and welcome back to On Your Terms®. So for the next couple of weeks, I’m gonna be doing something a little bit differently as part of a little summer series of sorts. For the next few weeks, I’ll be reading you a few of my essays that I’ve written on my Substack. My Substack is just called Sam Vander Wielen, because as you can probably tell by now, I’m really, really good with coming up with creative names for things.

But I have a Substack called Sam Vander Wielen, where I share personal essays and behind the scenes, a lot about grief and loss, coming back from that grief and loss, and learning to, I don’t know, uncouple myself from overconsumption and overworking, and really learning how to be more present in my life.

So all you have to do for the next couple of weeks until I come back with your full-force regular episodes of On Your Terms® on September 14th, is just kick back, put in your headphones, maybe even go for a walk, and listen to my reading of this week’s essay from Substack. If you’d like to subscribe to my Substack so that you can also read these on Substack or on the app, go ahead and just click the link down below. It’s completely free.

Sam Vander Wielen: Field notes from New York City, reclaiming my own taste, getting out of line and into my own life. All I wanted in the world was a really good pancake. I took the train into New York City recently, partially to have a bit of a fun day in the city, but partially also for an important meeting.

Before I headed off to my first meeting of the day, I bolted off the train to go to breakfast by Salt’s Cure. I’d seen their insane looking pancakes in a pancake influencer’s YouTube video a long time ago and followed her advice to get there early to avoid the crowds.

Well, apparently everybody else got the early pancake memo, and even though I turned up before 8:30, I showed up to this, which is where I included a picture of a very long line “How long have you been waiting?”

I asked the guy with big headphones in front of me. “Too long,” he answered unhelpfully, barely lifting his eyes away from his iPhone. I stood in the ever-growing line waiting behind the rest of the pancake-eager patrons for about a minute before realizing just because there’s a long line doesn’t mean it’s the only or the best place to get what I want.

It just means somebody posted about it. Did I even want a pancake? Did I want overpriced pancakes from this place, or did I just wanna come here because somebody I don’t know, whose taste I know nothing about, told me to.

These days, New York City is crawling with long lines outside of Instagram-ready looking restaurants, cafes, yogurt shops especially, yogurt is a big thing right now in New York City, and even stationary stores.

After somebody shares about a place on social media, people flock to the city to wait in long lines to see if it’s worth the hype. There’s even a website that tracks live line wait times. An out-of-town Instagram addicted friend who recently visited Manhattan told me, “I spent most of my time there just waiting in line. The places weren’t even that good.”

Have you ever gone to an Instagram hyped restaurant somewhere? I would say at way over 80% of the ones that I’ve ever gone to are just straight up bad.

Like not worth the hype is the sentiment I hear most often from friends who fell for the same trap. So as I ditched the line and walked around the corner to meander the West Village’s angled tree canopied streets, I couldn’t help but think about how that line and my leaving it represented everything I’m working towards right now in my life.

I’m trying to reclaim my own tastes and preferences. I don’t want to be told what to eat, drink, read, watch, think, et cetera, anymore. Not only do I not discover or consume things I actually like because I’m too busy consuming what they like, but I don’t end up finding things that, for whatever reason, haven’t been picked up by the zeitgeist yet

I want to find mom-and-pop shops slinging grandma’s recipes who didn’t spend their startup budget on a neon sign saying, “Good vibes only.” But as I round the corner onto the tree-lined Grove Street in the West Village, I felt that old familiar way of doing things start to creep in.

New York City is so big and just, like, full of endless options. I find it really overwhelming, actually. Sometimes I just wanna duck into a Chick-fil-A and call it a day. Sometimes it feels nice for somebody else to just tell you where to go. Should I just look at Google Maps and see what place is rated the best? Or open Yelp to see who has the highest reviews? Maybe I should just stick to the place with the Instagram line and be done with it.

Or even check Instagram for what’s trending around me. I’m working to fight the reflex that pulls me back to what everybody else is doing and consuming. I’m leaning into the somewhere, like, deep in my belly pull that I’m feeling to do things a bit differently. I want to, quote-unquote, “discover” something because I walked by it, and the waft of their freshly baked croissants drew me in.

I want to walk by a place and feel a little spark of, “Ooh, I would love to try this place,” and just see what happens. So what if it’s not that great? It’s not like the Instagram ones are that great either.

As I spent the rest of the day getting 20,000-plus steps around the city, I put my new way of being into practice. I wandered into clothing stores I’d never heard of just because the stuff in the window looked cute. I got coffee at a place that looked like it was for the locals, not for the photo ops. I bought a few fun pieces of clothing that I was drawn to, not off of somebody’s Pinterest board. During my no-buy Amazon year, which is poised, to become my no-buy Amazon lifetime, by the way. I have not broken this one time in 2026. I’ve noticed how much easier it is to lean into my own tastes and preferences.

When you can’t buy a spoon in the middle of the night to be delivered four hours later, you have to go out and look for what you need in person.

It’s led to less buying overall for sure, but it’s also led to hitting the pavement and finding the spoon that sparks my interest instead of the one that has the most or best reviews.

Side note, I’m actually addicted to little spoons, so as random as this little example might seem, it is not. I have quite the mini spoon collection, and yes, I’m happy to send you a picture if you wanna see it.

In just one day in New York City, I talked with a bookseller donning cherry red glasses at my favorite New York City bookstore, Three Lives & Company, about what book he recommended for me based on what I’ve purchased from him in the past, which by the way, he recommended Save Me The Plums by Ruth Reichl, which was unbelievable memoir, because in like two seconds he figured out that I love food and cooking, and he was absolutely right.

I chatted with the salesperson at one of my favorite stores, Buck Mason, about how great my stylist and friend, Connie Jespersen is, and what she’s taught me about color and texture.

As I slid onto the seafoam green leather bench onto the Long Island Railroad, two days before it shut down by the way, for my two-hour trip home to Eastern Long Island, I reflected on my day in the city where no one can afford to sleep.

As the brick high-rises of Queens faded into the lush tall beach grass of Eastern Long Island, I felt my nervous system unclenching. I went there chasing down somebody else’s preferences, but I left feeling I connected with people who helped me discover my own.

As I aim to spend less and less time online and more time living offline in my own life and community, I’m excited to share the journey with you here. Sometimes it’s about reclaiming our own preferences and tastes.

Other times it’s about sitting with the discomfort of sitting alone with our thoughts and feelings. Easier said than done. Either way, I’m excited to share the journey here with you on Substack. If you click over to read this article on Substack, I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Let me know if you liked this essay.

Thanks so much for listening to the On Your Terms® podcast. Make sure to follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. You can also check out all of our podcast episodes, show notes, links, and more at samvanderwielen.com/podcast. You can learn more about legally protecting your business and take my free legal workshop, Five Steps To Legally Protect and Grow Your Online Business at Samvanderwielen.com and to stay connected and follow along, follow me on Instagram at samvanderwielen and send me a DM to say hi.