Why You’re Not As Lost As You Think (+ BIG NEWS!)

Picture this. It’s 2005 and two young comedians walk into 30 Rock in New York City to audition at Saturday Night Live, each convinced that the other one has their shit together. One of those comedians is Bill Hader. The other is Andy Samberg. And neither of them realizes that the other one is just as scared as they are.

As business owners, we assume that everybody else has stuff figured out. Like, we figure that their way is better, or if their way is different than ours, then that must mean that theirs is right and ours is wrong. But in reality, as business owners, there are so many strategies, trends, tips, tricks, whatever, that all, like, work, whatever that means, even, by the way, because what works for you, not only, like, what works for me in my business might not work for you in your business, but also what is my definition of what works for me might also be different than you.

But there are so many different ways to go about this. The other thing is that everyone is probably just as confused and overwhelmed as you are. So this assumption that, like, you’re the one that’s confused and everybody else has it figured out is just not true. Honestly, I think so many people in the online business space are just trying their best, and some are better than others at making that look really good on the outside, and some might not even be doing well, but be good at making it look like that.

And it might just be how it looks to you on the outside. Like, some people, some online business owner, I know, they don’t even try to project like this image of doing really well, but you might think that they are because sometimes we project to be exploring the story of how we put our thoughts about that onto other people, and like, what we think it all looks like based on our own stuff.

Okay, so let’s talk about this Andy Samberg and Bill Hader meeting because it really, really got me. And before we do, I just want to quickly mention that make sure you stick around all the way to the end of this episode because I’ve actually got some really exciting news for you and a big announcement to share that I think you’re really, really gonna like, so, let’s stick around all the way to the end.

Okay, so let’s get to this meeting between Andy Samberg and Bill Hader. So back when they tried out for SNL in 2005, Andy Sandberg went into this audition at 30 Rock, and he decided, he went to like the Party City or like the Halloween store, and he like bought it out. He bought all these props and they basically get five minutes to try out.

In case you don’t know, I only know this because I just watched the SNL documentary docuseries, which I highly recommend, but they, they get these five minutes to, you know, audition for SNL. And Andy Samberg decided he was going to use every prop in the book during his five minutes to, you know, illustrate the, the comedy and the impressions that he was doing.

Bill Hader, on the other hand, decided ahead of time that he was going propless. So he shows up to the audition, no props at all, just gonna act everything out. The two of them get onto an elevator together at 30 Rock, and Bill Hader looks over at Andy Samberg and all of his props, and he’s like, holy shit, I am such an idiot, this guy brought all the props, I knew I should have brought my props, like, he just starts doubting himself, right?

Andy Samberg, at the very same time, unbeknownst to Bill Hader, is looking over at Bill Hader going, this guy didn’t bring any props. What an idiot! Like, I have to, I thought that I had to have all these props in order to make it funny, but this guy is so funny, he doesn’t even need props. I just thought this was, like, such an incredible illustration of what goes on in our own minds when we’re, like, looking at each other in the online business space, thinking, like, boy, they really have it together and like, no, they really have it together.

And we’re, it’s like two like ships in the night. We’re just like completely looking at each other thinking the other one has it figured out. But in reality, the truth was, even with Andy Samberg and Bill Hader props or no props, they’re both amazing comedians. They both got the job. They both got on SNL in 2005, just because one was doing it differently than the other, didn’t actually mean anything. Like, it wasn’t objectively better to use or not use props, right? It was more about them going to this audition and taking that five minutes and taking full advantage of it, right? Going out there, being the truest and most authentic versions of themselves, being able to perform comedy.

In front of Lorne Michaels, who, by the way, I sat next to at lunch one time in, in Amagansett, New York, out in, uh, out in the Hamptons, and he was eating lunch with, I noticed Lorne Michaels first, just a little aside, I noticed Lorne Michaels first, because he’s just like, such an iconic like look. And I knew who he was and I didn’t even bother to look over to the left and see that he was eating, eating lunch with Sir Paul McCartney.

Okay. So just a little fun, fun fact. Um, that’ll, that’ll be the closest I ever get to them. So yeah, the, the most important thing was that they go and do this audition for them, and that they just did the best that they could in their audition. It was about owning who they were, right? So here’s the big lesson for us as online business owners.

We falsely believe that everyone else is doing it right, or everyone’s doing this better than me, or has it figured out, and I don’t have it figured out, or like, whatever, right? But in reality, they don’t. I think most people are doing their best. And if they’re like me, they’re experimenting and seeing what works.

Like if you’re looking at any marketer or anybody who you think is really good at marketing, so much of marketing is testing and experimenting and being open. I think that one of the things that makes me most successful in my own business is my ability to be curious and open and like, let’s just see how this goes.

Like I don’t have to have everything figured out, but I could see how. But you might look at something that I’m doing and you would, or somebody else who you admire, you would look at that person and think like, oh, they have all, like, cause this person’s successful. Every single thing I, I see them doing is successful or every single thing I see them doing is why they’re successful, right?

And that’s not always the case, especially in our line of work. It’s just a lot of experimentation. Sometimes people copy me. I always find this really funny. Like, they copy me and I’m like, go for it. That thing actually didn’t work for me, right? Maybe it’ll work for them. Like, just because it doesn’t work for me, that doesn’t mean it won’t work for them. But I do think it comes from this really interesting Like mindset that they probably copied it because I’m doing it and they assume that because I’m doing it It’s successful and that’s not always the case, right? That’s just because I’m doing it doesn’t make it good or doesn’t make it a good idea for me or for you.

When I went to record the audiobook a few weeks ago in New York City, I had so much doubt and anxiety. I know I shared about this a little bit on the podcast, but I was so scared of like, you know, I had to try out for it. And there are professional voice actors, obviously, who do this all the time. And, and I also know that there are a lot of authors who have had many books. So now they’re kind of, you know, more used to doing their audio book and stuff like that. And I figured that the rest of the authors who do their audio books had just like never experienced any of these feelings that I had.

It’s also the first time in my business where I’ve created something over many, many years. Like, it’s been four years in the making to make my book and It’s, you know, it comes out April 15th, like it’s not even out yet. And so, when I, sometimes when I read things, I’m like, oh, I want to add something about this or I wish I would have talked about that or, you know, this thing, whatever. It’s just the way that this works with books, right? And I thought like this was me, or I thought that this meant I was a bad author. But when I went to Hachette, to my publisher to record the audiobook, I got the opportunity to meet some of their authors who have books coming around, coming out around my time.

And I said, like, do you guys, like, while you’re reading it, do you ever think, like, oh, I wish I could add this or I should change that or whatever? They’re like, oh my gosh, yes, the whole time, like, it was that sigh of relief where everybody was like, me too, me too, me too, right? It just wasn’t true what I had been telling myself, that it was just me.

Usually, people, other business owners, whatever, let their walls down. You learn that you’re actually all experiencing the same thoughts and feelings, just maybe on different scales or about different things or from a different perspective. As a new business owner, it’s easy to think that other business owners, especially those who are more.

Established have all their stuff together, right? But that’s just not always true. So let’s apply this to some concrete action steps, like what can you do from here? If you’re like, yeah, yeah, I recognize this is something I do like now. Okay, what do I do about it? Number one, I am always a big fan of encouraging you to keep your eyes on your own paper.

You wouldn’t know that all of this other stuff was going on, or that people were doing other things if you weren’t looking to other people for the answers or assuming that they have it better. I mean, think about somebody cheating in a test in school back when we were young, right? The whole idea of looking at someone else’s paper was that you assumed they had the answer and you didn’t.

So we need to stop looking at other people’s papers and just do yours, right? Just focus on yours because I know you hear this all the time, but like it is so true that what works for you may or may not work for me. And what speaks to my audience or community may or may not speak to yours. And so you really have to experiment.

You have to embody this mindset of experimentation and being open to trying things long enough that you can look at the data and without emotion, you look at the data and say, this is working or this is not working and over time, you get better and better and better at looking at that data and saying, oh, I think that this is why, right?

And as I always say, as my mom always said, understanding the mechanism of why something’s not working so that you make better and smarter decisions and make better experiments and hypotheses. And I’m going to show you how to do that. So, that’s the first thing I want you to do.

The second thing is that I want you to shift your mindset. That even when you do see other people doing certain things in a certain way in their business, it’s an example, not a rubric. So, it’s not the right way to do it. It’s just an example.

The third thing is to normalize whatever feelings you’re having, whether it’s feeling lost or even that you have that desire to look for answers from other people or that you would like a shortcut or That this feels particularly hard for you and seems seemingly, you know, easier for others.

That that is all totally normal. I think that is part of being an entrepreneur. It’s part of having an online business. Especially because we see everything around us all the time, you know, we see this visual representation all around us, which is just, you know, pretty abnormal. So the next time you’re looking at someone else and thinking, like, they just have it together, they’re doing it right because they’re doing it differently than me.

Just remember, somewhere, they’re looking at someone else thinking the exact same thing. So, tell me, you can DM me on Instagram @samvanderwielen or reply to my emails. Have you ever felt this way? Did this episode help you to shift that mindset a little bit? Send me a message. I want to hear from you.

Okay, and you made it all the way to the end of the episode, so I cannot wait to share my big, big news with you. On Your Terms is officially back. Every Monday, so a brand new episode will air every single Monday, and that’s not all. Next week, Monday, March 3rd, I’m actually kicking off a brand new four part series on the podcast where we’ll talk about The Happy Trap, the There’s Only One Right Way to Build a Business Myth, the I Just Need More Followers Lie, and the Hustle Equals Success Problem.

Next week is part one of the series The Happy Trap where we’ll discuss why success alone won’t make you feel fulfilled, the real reason so many entrepreneurs feel stuck even after they hit goals that they thought would make them happy, and what actually leads to happiness in business or as a business owner.

So I can’t wait to drop part one of this four part series. Next Monday, March 3rd. I hope you’ll reach out and let me know if you enjoyed this episode and also let me know what you think about On Your Terms being back every Monday. I paused it for a little while and then dropped to it every other week, um, while I was writing my book and releasing the book and editing the book and all that kind of stuff.

So I’m really, really happy to be back. I absolutely love being here with you each week, so I appreciate you listening. And I can’t wait to be with you, um, in part one of this four part series starting next Monday.

Thanks so much for listening to the On Your Terms podcast. Make sure to follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. You can also check out all of our podcast episodes, show notes, links, and more at samvanderwielen.com/podcast. You can learn more about legally protecting your business and take my free legal workshop, Five Steps to Legally Protect and Grow Your Online Business at samvanderwielen.com and to stay connected and follow along, follow me on Instagram @samvanderwielen and send me a DM to say hi.